hiv(e)

id is bringing out the worst in me
i get serious compulsions to wash my hands every single minute
outbreaks of unwarranted pruritis and i obsess over every single nick in my skin


i wonder if they know
if they can see the judgement peeking out through our eyes
even with our apathetic faces

i feel sorry for them
yet at the same time I ask whywhywhy
why didn’t you see this coming?
is a 30min frolick for a lifetime of nausea and regret really worth it?


i wonder how my family would react if i had that,
would their (unconditional) love for me diminish
would i just be a passing memory,
a good thing they once enjoyed, now to be scratched out

would they think i deserved it

i wonder how i would deal
would i be brave enough to take my haart, live with the effects
plod on with life

or do i take the easy route out?
(afterall, death is the only certainty in life)